BY ANDREW MESSENGER, GABRIELLE RUTTICO, AND SAM GILLIES
Ever wondered what it’d be like to grab a program at a gig and actually get through it, cover to cover, before the bow hits the string? Check out these hilarious program notes in 25 words or less.
BEETHOVEN Creatures of Prometheus
Space ship crew descend on planet to investigate alien menace to horrific effect.
RACHMANINOV Youth
The only university assignment regularly performed by major orchestras.
MOZART Symphony no. 29
Pretty good for an 18 year old.
BRAHMS Symphony no. 4
A composer has never tried so hard to sound so out of date.
TCHAIKOVSKY Romeo and Juliet
Tchaikovsky concincingly glorifies reckless decisions, including marrying a partner one day after meeting them, sleeping with the enemy, and suicide.
HAYDN Symphony no. 104
Have I written enough symphonies yet? Can I call it a day?
COPLAND Third Symphony
Only a Russian communist immigrant can truly know what it is to be American.
MOZART Symphony no. 31
This symphony, often called Paris, never quite reaches the dynamic heights of the less trendy Berlin andNew York symphonies due to local height ordinances.
BRAHMS Symphony no. 2
A misanthropist’s love poem to the brass section.
STRAVINSKY Petrushka
Petrushka is the celebration of a creepy clown doll – leaving no doubt that a generous amount of vodka was crucial to the composition process.
CutCommon would like to acknowledge the Australian Youth Orchestra.
