BY ANTONIA ZAPPIA
Antonia is a Sydney-based music writer and student of NIDA with degrees in music and music technology. She shares her story and the challenges of studying, working and living out of home, and offers her advice to those who feel caught in a similar struggle.
As many students can attest, juggling the demands of four subjects at once during university is difficult enough. Combine that with working and the destructive view that our generation is ‘lazy’, and you have a recipe for a stress induced, anxiety driven, depressive disaster.
I work Monday to Friday and go to school on Saturdays. At least I have Sunday for chores and homework. There are others like me, who moved out early, grew up fast not because they wanted to but because the door of help slammed shut in their face. They had to work and work hard. It often takes students who have to manage study, work and home life a very long time to get to those perfected Facebook Life Event moments.
I feel I am one of the lucky ones – but things haven’t come easily.
I am 25 and have had a job since I was 16. I didn’t want one, but I was informed there was no way someone would hire me at 17 if I had no experience. So, I worked my 15 to 20 hours a week while trying to practice saxophone three hours a day, go to school, and complete homework. Usually, I would go to bed around 11 or 12pm and wake up at 5am to polish off my maths – just for fun. The hard work paid off. I achieved dux in grade 10 and 11 and one of the highest rankings in my school for entrance into university in grade 12.
Within a few months of finishing school I started a second job and paying off part of a mortgage. My family thought taking on a mortgage partly before I was 18 was a brilliant idea. Not stressful. At all.
I would work 6am until 10am in one job and then 10:30am until 6:30pm in another. I then started university and would travel three hours a day, five days a week on top of work (luckily the hours reduced). I was glad to give up the mortgage. I left home within four months of turning 18 trying to shake the whole ‘Pampered Princess’ label that was being placed on me like one of those ‘Reduced for Quick Sale’ stickers you see at Coles.
Upon moving out I was met by a barrage of complications. My room mate returned home less than two months after leaving. I was unable to support the rent of an apartment on a single wage so I moved into one of those dodgy lease by room share houses while nursing a chest infection and attending second semester of a music degree.
There was some reprieve from these personal trials but they soon compounded themselves in a cluster chord of catastrophe when combined with working and attending university.
I was already vulnerable to depression and anxiety. Things were trying in first, second, third and fourth year. I remember bolting up to the university late one night in second year to avoid a scuffle after a volatile argument at the share house. I applied to Centrelink for an allowance to ‘allow’ me to study in a safe environment. Sadly I was unable to prove my income was low enough or independent enough or the travel I would have to do if I lived at home was long enough to justify help. And, I was one of the lucky ones – I received assistance from my family for some utilities and groceries throughout those four years.
I am grateful every day for the help I received. However I was stressed and I am still quite on edge. Put it down to the sleep deprivation, the hours spent working under the thumb of toxic managers or the pressure to compete against my peers. Peers that often did not have to work at all – academically or, for financial security.
There are many young professionals, domestic and international students struggling to attain the fine balance of work, study, and life. Worst still, many are entering a job market that is highly competitive even at entry level positions. It sucks and it’s hard. But here’s a leveling perspective.
If you’re one of those who think our generation is lazy:
1. Have you read this blog? All of it? Rinse, wash and repeat until it sinks in, my friend.
2. We’re going to be looking out for you when the chips fall and the retirement fund isn’t making its expected returns – so remember, respect goes both ways.
3. We are grateful for any assistance whether monetary (assistance with rent, food or utilities), psychological (mentoring and having someone to talk to) or physical (cooking meals together, helping us move). It’s a worthy investment.
If you’re a friend of someone having difficulty striking that fine balance, especially if they are trying to strike that balance AND struggling with mental health issues:
1. We prefer empathy over sympathy and it’s better to give mercy over pity. ‘Tough Love’ rarely works, but rallying calls of encouragement definitely help.
2. Providing a meal or a couch to sleep on in a time of terrifying transition means you are being compassionate.
3. Let’s do something fun once a week, even if it’s for 15 minutes in between my crazy schedule and yours. It’ll make the rough times easier.
If you’re the creative, the young professional or the student (domestic or international) balancing on the tight rope, 50 feet above Failure Falls while juggling flames:
1. You’re not alone. Sharing your story and hearing the stories of others will help so keep your social support network strong. If you can’t catch up with people, email, call or instant message as it’s not their responsibility to always check up on you.
2. You know your story so pay little mind to labels such as ‘lazy’, ‘stupid’ or ‘hopeless’. Keep asking for help while helping yourself. If help comes along while you’re managing yourself you will be twice as grateful.
3. It’s okay to cry and be upset about a stressful situation. It’s also okay to make a list of things that’ll help you out of those low times and assist you to take a few more steps.
And this is my final piece of advice: Facebook Life Events live on Facebook for a reason.
If you or anyone you know is struggling through a tough time and in need of help or someone to talk to, you’re not alone. Visit headspace.org.au or keep a look out for services in your city.
Image by Antonia Zappia.
